Her story: I love my partner a lot but whenever I have this particular friend of mine coming over, he picks up a fight with me the next day. I think he feels insecure whereas I have never ever let him feel the way he feels about himself. My friend is just a friend and I have made that clear in so many ways but these fights over him seem to be never ending and I have started avoiding my partner because of the unpleasantness. The question is if I stop talking to my friend, there will be someone else he will have issues with the next time … How do I work with him on this?
Vishal Bhardwaj, Cofounder and Relationship Coach, at Predictions For Success: Insecurity and comparison in relationship is more common than it sounds. The only difference is the ‘duration and magnitude’ of the feelings. Most couples face these kinds of issues especially in the first 1-2 years of a relationship because that’s the time when each feels, if they are the best deserved partners!
For Him: Comparing humans is the most impossible task. The attributes you are insecure about is personality which may create an impression but it’s your life values and your inner self that gives life to a long term relationship. Don’t compare yourself with her friend, because there is no end to comparison, it’s useless. This insecurity eventually will create the atmosphere of suspicion which destroys freedom and trust of any relationship and hence breaking the roots.
For Her: The worst thing that you can do is to stop telling your friend to your partner. The more you hide, the more insecure your partner will get. Open communication and honesty is the only way to clear the clouds of insecurity. It may take some time, but it will definitely work. I will even suggest you make some group plans if possible, so that your partner is more comfortable spending time with your friends and especially that special friend.
AiR Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment
To Him: If you are living-in with a woman and there is no trust between the both of you, it is better not to continue your relationship. A relationship is based on the foundation of trust, love and communication. What is TRUST? Total Reliance, Unconditional Surrender To somebody. Furthermore, if there is no trust, there cannot be love in the relationship. Love and trust are two sides of the same coin. So, if you want your relationship to progress to a better, stronger and deeper bond and partnership, then you have to learn to trust your partner. You can communicate your concerns and your fears to your partner by openly expressing yourself. But ensure that you express your concerns keeping your trust intact. There is nothing other than ‘trust’ that can solve this issue in your relationship. After all, what is a relationship without trust? Nothing!
To Her: If you are living-in with one man and you include another man in your life, cook with him, spend time with him doing various activities, you are creating a situation and inviting trouble for yourself. A relationship is based on trust, love and communication. If there is transparency and openness in communication, such fights will not have much reason to exist in the first place. The challenge in a relationship is to NOT let your partner feel insecure. The moment insecurity creeps in, the relationship starts to break. Communicate your side of the story to your partner and listen and understand patiently what he wants to say. Finally, life is a matter of choices. You cannot sail in two boats. If you really love the man you are living-in with, giving up small things for the sake of the relationship is surely worth the price rather than losing the love of your life.
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